The Mental Makeover
It’s guaranteed that – depending on which bus line you ride – between 25 and 100% of your fellow riders will seriously need a makeover. So if it’s one of those days when you’re out of reading material and gazing out the window just won’t do, consider performing the Mental Makeover. First, find the person with the worst outfit and the poorest hygiene in your line of vision. Once you have them in your sights, identify a series of steps they could take to look (and smell) better. These steps (Makeover Action Steps, as I like to call them) could include, for example, the following:
- Take a shower
- Shave your mustache (conveniently works for a man or a woman)
- Wear high heels
- Get a haircut
- Stop shaving your head
- Wear some makeup
- Don’t wear so damn much makeup
- Put on a bigger shirt
- Quit smoking
- Start flossing
- Clip that long cocaine pinky fingernail
Keep in mind that no cosmetic surgery is permissible – you’re not turning these people into Carmen Electra or Brad Pitt. The makeover can only include things they could go home and do on their own. And maybe someday, if you have the guts (or you’re drunk), you can offer your tips to your subject…but don’t expect not to get beat up.
Jun 6th, 2007 at 11:55 am
Seems like you could do this with friends, and do a form of Mental Makeover Bingo.
Each gets a card with a random list of makeover items on it, and you get to cross off each one if you see the item. The group would have to agree on whether Terrance needs to lose the mustache or whether Flo needs to lay off the mascara. I would recommend camera phones to verify you are each seeing the same thing. Again, this might invite beatings.
Jun 6th, 2007 at 7:26 pm
That reminded me, in a way, of something I told a new driver recently…”You will get used to the smell of cigaretts, weed, and booze, after a while” Comes with the terratory.