Thunderous belch
It was raining this morning so instead of biking I decided to hop on the 6 to get downtown. It wasn’t too packed and I was able to snag a two-seater all to myself. About 5 minutes went by before I heard what sounded like someone ripped the vinyl seat cushion in half. Maybe that mixed with thunder. The dude behind me had just belched for probably 5 seconds straight.
In my mind I picturing either a grody old man drinking a Schlitz Bull Ice 40 or a grody old man drinking a Mickey’s 40. I normally avoid looking at anyone on the bus, but I needed to see if my assumptions were correct.
Often times when I want to stare at someone I’ll pretend I’m looking past them at something else. In this case there was no subtle way about it since the belcher was sitting in the back of the bus. So I said what the hell and just turned around to blatantly stare.
I was shocked to see that it was not a grody dude at all, but a woman, in her mid 40′s probably. She was dressed in a business suit. I was unable to contain myself and made a noise that is best described as a mixture between ‘huh?’ and a short laugh. She looked a bit embarrassed but didn’t say anything. I turned back around and decided that next time I will just stick with the picture in my head.
Aug 1st, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Just as good as the Monster Fart I, uh, experienced in my last bus ride.
Sitting there on the bus, got that lovely urge that says, “You need to fart. You will fart. NOW!” I throw the window open as far as I can, grip the seat with both hands (I have, on 2 occasions, lifted from chairs and seats with these farts, and I can feel when one is gonna happen), and let rip.
The driver spoke into the microphone, “Whoever is ripping open the seat cushions, please stop that.”
His mistake. Half the bus cracks up, my fart didn’t escape through the window as I’d hoped, and now we got people gagging on it.
I shamefully said, “Excuse me.” and got off at the next stop. But not before getting a high-five off the driver for “The loudest real fart ever left on the bus.”