You look like you need a woman
Hah, this is a good one that happened to me today. I was driving the 4, which I’ve historically had terrible luck on as far as scuffles and scofflaws go (and, of course, the door taco-ing incident).
A pretty benign-looking woman boarded my bus in downtown, headed towards the Quarry. She said absolutely nothing and got off without incident. On the way back, I found her waiting for me where I had left her. After a couple minutes on the road, she leaned towards me and quietly said “you look like you need a woman.”
I did a double-take. That did not just happen. Any male (and, perhaps, female) that has ridden inner-city buses enough has no-doubt been solicited by a hooker (it’s happened to me more times than I can count), but you need some serious cojones to proposition the driver.
My reply, of course, was a solid “no.” “Oh yes you do, you need me!” She shot back. “No. Stop asking,” I replied. Then came the inevitable line that rejected hookers always resort to: “what are you, gay?” At that point, I told her that if she said one more word to me, she would be walking. Miraculously, she was silent all the way into downtown. It was extreeeeeemely awkward having her silently looking me over as we drove, but holding true to my word, I let her ride.
After a while, she asked me what time it was, to which I replied 5:05. “Ha! I talked to you and you didn’t kick me off! You lied!” she yelled. She launched into a profane, lewd, and threatening tirade that I can’t repeat if I want any chance of getting this published. Naturally, I pulled over sharply and called the cops. As soon as she saw what I was doing, she tried to claw her way out the door. I didn’t open them, wanting to watch her squirm instead. I talked to the MT control jockeys for a few minutes while she yelled, called for “witnesses that she didn’t rape me” (to which no one stepped forward), and, at one point, sung to herself. Unfortunately, the MT cops apparently had bigger problems to deal with at the moment, so I opened the doors and she bolted out into the street.
Commence awkward, silent driving with a bunch of shocked and flustered customers remaining. Thankfully, my friend Lauren got on a few minutes later, giving me a way to break the silence and an ear to dump my story on.
I love my job.
Feb 7th, 2007 at 4:16 am
Oh my gosh, hahahahahah! That is brilliant. I hope I’m on your route sometime when you do the 4, crazy shit seems to happen on your shift!
Feb 7th, 2007 at 10:57 am
That’s priceless, makes me want to ditch the car and ride your bus sometime just to see if she shows up again.
Feb 7th, 2007 at 8:58 pm
Ah, as resident of Whittier, CARAG, and East Harriet, I’ve been able to enjoy the 4 quite a bit (as well as the 6, the 18, the 17, and the 9). The 9 rivals the 4 for rider zaniness, especially in the evening. But that story seals the deal. Long live the 4!!!
There always seemed to be a fair number of hookers near the bus stop at 24th & Nicollet. One propositioned me outside of Hark’s. I said no. Just then my fiance walks up. I told her what happened. She didn’t believe me until we saw the woman proposition another man. His eyes lit up and he promptly went into Hark’s and used to ATM.
Mar 19th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
speaking of how great the 4 is… has anybody ever seen the extemely obiese lady with a cane… who literally takes 5 minutes to walk up the 3 steps and kick someone out of the front seats so she can sit (I try to be patient). she always strikes up a conversation with the person sitting next to her about the craziest things… including,one day, the best way to fry an egg. I also love the older lady who rides with her tiny dog in a vented back pack type of thing… making kissing noises at it every few seconds or so. Long live the 4!