Peanut Butter Sandwich
This tale occured on 8 Jan 07.
For future identification, she was pretty average looking, Asian, short side of shoulder length black hair, and wore charcoal wool coat. I sat down next to her in the first forward facing seat. (Maybe this is karma telling me to leave those seats for the handicapped and elderly EVEN if there are no other open seats.) When I sat down, I thought I heard her mutter “Average.” I didn’t think much of it, seeing as how that’s a very weird thing to say, and with so many people on their mini, in-ear, bluetooth devices these days, it’s hard to tell the crazies from the high powered communication addicts. So I let it slide. Then she whispered “Fat cow.” Now, I’m no Twiggy, but I do not overflow into the bus seat next to me either. She continued to say some random stuff which was hard to hear, and then turned and looked right at me and asked “Does your father have a college degree?” Being rather experienced with bus crazies, I didn’t say anything. So she muttered “OBVIOUSLY not.” so I turned to her and super sweetly said “does YOUR father have a college degree?” and she said “Of COURSE.” in a very bitter and condescending tone. So again, very sweetly and enthusiastically I said “That’s great! Good for him!!” She then went back to muttering things about how guys would pass me over for her (doubtful, unless it’s a crazy match made in heaven), something about me being “small town trash,” (which I’m not - and I’d tell you if I was) and also laughing quietly yet strangely maniacally. Then she said “No, I don’t want a peanut butter sandwich” and sounded very grossed out. “I’m not FAT because I don’t EAT peanut butter sandwiches.” Just to clarify, I didn’t offer her a peanut butter sandwich.
I don’t know which I think is funnier, the peanut butter sandwich for it’s sheer randomness, or the small town trash comment for the irony - I mean come ON, she’s a crazy bus lady in Minneapolis!
Jan 30th, 2007 at 7:48 am
AHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA this one will NEVER NOT be funny. I still can’t believe it actually happened!!
Jan 30th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
wow, I like to think that I have a lot of experience with bus crazies but I don’t think I would have been able to handle this onslaught.
note to all other bus #4 riders, carry a back up peanutbutter sandwich at all times and if you ever see a woman that fits this description offer it to her.
Feb 24th, 2007 at 8:59 am
If you’re going to offer peanut butter sandwiches to every asian woman with shoulder length black hair you’d better bring more than one.
Mar 21st, 2007 at 4:01 pm
can’t help but think she’s schizophrenic
doesn’t make it less funny though. I don’t care if that’s horrible to say.
I had a similar experience with a kid in a movie theater, but this is bus stories, not theater stories.