Quit crying munchkin!
I saw an event this morning on my way into work that brings to mind the tale somebody else shared about the person who fell in the isle of the bus, and the delay in others picking them up.
A questionable display of parenting:
A young mother and her three kids got onto the 16 and sat in the front row seats. The kids seemed to range from about 1 and a half to 3 and a half. My guess is they were all about 9 months apart. She set all three kids on the left seat and then sat with her stroller on the right.
A few blocks latter the bus came to a somewhat sudden stop and the youngest (the ~18 month old) fell off of the seat and knocked her head against the center pointing seat ahead of her. She lay on the floor and started to scream and cry. The mother’s response? She kept sitting and told her other two kids (something like 2 and 3 years old) to “Pick her up! Pick her up now! And you quit crying!” This went on for a while. When the bus driver kept calling back to see if everyone was alright, the mom just said “Everything is fine”. But the kid kept screaming.
I would have picked the girl up myself, but her stroller was blocking me. Eventually a gentleman in a seat behind got up and picked the child up and gave her to the mom. I did hear a thank you.
When she held the crying baby not a soft word was shared. Just more commands to stop crying.
I know how hard it can be to travel with a munchkin on the bus, having taken my daughter on the 16 and the 50 since she was 3 months old, strapped to chest. Raising kids well is tough – it is not fair to them (or society) to have so many that you can’t properly look after them. This is the main reason the wife and I are stopping at one.
Lets hope this mom stops at three.
Apr 14th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
How thoughtful of you to consider limiting your children to one only.
I am sure this is the right choice for you and your wife.
Conversely though, there are some who because of their choices, good or bad, that have more than one child. We, ourselves, also only have one child and now would have to adopt to have more. However, I would not want to be in judgment of this lady about the number of her children until I have walked a mile in her moccasins, so to speak.
Why couldn’t you have asked her to move her stroller so you could get to the child? Or better, if she tends to ride the bus at the same time frame as you, why don’t you try striking up a conversation? Hopefuly, you could discern whether you and your wife might be able to babysit for this woman or help her out in some way. Perhaps you could pass on some child rearing tips. If you are a man of faith, did you pray for her situation?
Wouldn’t that be a better choice, speaking of choices, than to talk about how it’s not fair to them or society to have so many children that they can’t take care of them? And since when is three a large number of children? It’s only one more than two and two is a common amount of children for many couples in America. And was your opinion of the number of her children colored by her race?If I am not careful, I too, tend to judge some people more harshly simply because they are of a different race.
Apr 15th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Wow Donna! Wow.
Apr 16th, 2008 at 8:20 am
I too think this post assumes quite a bit. Yes you saw a bad thing happen, but what does that have to with the number or ages of the children? By my calculations, three kids from 1.5 to 3.5 are each a year apart, not 9 months. And how do you know they were all hers?
Apr 16th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Donna,
>> Why couldn’t you have asked her to move her stroller so you could get to the child?
The mom did not want to take two steps over to pick her child up. Why would you think that she would want a stranger to do so? She appeared to be teaching a lesson in self-reliance. Honestly, it seems to me the most likely result of such an offer would have been to have been told to “shut the F__ up and mind your own F__ businessâ€.
Let me add that I only called this a “questionable†display of parenting in the initial post. Perhaps teaching the kids to look after each other and themselves, and not giving into their pitiful cries is actually in their best interest. That is the question.
>> you and your wife might be able to babysit for this woman or help her out in some way.
Actually I suspect that we already are substantially helping this mother out in “someway†by paying for: Child Care Assistance Program (CCAP), Minnesota Family Investment Program (MFIP), Food Support Program (FS), General Assistance (GA), Medical Assistance (MA), General Assistance Medical Care (GAMC), and Metro Transit.
Additionally, I have spent substantial years / hours of my life volunteering with at risk kids and the homeless; donate to a wide range of economic justice charities; and give to Planned Parenthood. But no, I do not think I am under a moral obligation to attempt a bus-ride intervention with everyone who seems to be living in a manner different than I see fit.
On the other hand, if you want to post your contact info, I will happily pass it on to any stressed mother I see on the bus. Or heck, if you are offering free babysitting, goodness knows the Mrs. and I could use a night out!
>>since when is three a large number of children
Three children has always been a large number when you can not care for them.
Anyone who has so many children that they can not feed them, clothe them, house them, teach them to read and do basic math, raise them to be productive members of society, and keep them safe has had too many children. I would argue that if you have so many children that you can not muster the energy to pick them up when they may be hurt, then you have crossed the line.
And personally, I think three is a lot for anyone, rich or poor, since the population explosion has dire consequences for our world and it would be better if we limited ourselves to a replacement rate, but that is a different issue.
This is about the cycle of poverty. Anyone who has had a child knows that it drains you. Handling three is more than a full time job and almost certainly means that the mother is not going to be able to hold a job (of if she has a job, it means that most of her wages will go right into childcare). Such a mother, despite her abilities, thriftiness, or drive is on a collision course with poverty if there is not another breadwinner in the family. The children are almost certainly doomed to problems (witness the new CDC study that found 1 in 50 infants suffer from abuse or neglect). Society will be forced to pick up the pieces: crime and the costs of pubic assistance.
And of course the flip side is that kids raised in poverty are much more likely to get pregnant young and single, thus keeping the cycle going.
How can this cycle be broken? Certainly social programs and a progressive tax structure help. But until the urban poor decide to either keep their pants zipped, or use contraception, I really don’t think there is much hope for change.
>>colored by her race
I never mentioned the race of the mother, nor do I believe it matters, so I do not see why you would bring it up. Are you saying that if the mother were black, Native American, Asian, or white the ethics of the situation would change? Is it better or a white or black mom to leaver her screaming and potentially injured child on the floor of a bus?