Homeless Butt Juice

So this morning I hop on the 10 and start my 40 block journey across the river. The bus was ice cold, and there was an open seat! What a day

The seat next to me remains open for 20 blocks or so when a gentleman in a nice suit sits next to me.

Me-zoned out, headphones in, half asleep, thinking about absolutely nothing. I’m a f-bombing Buddhist monk at 723 every day.

Him- suddenly standing and yelling at me

“what the luck is this man! Huh, what the luck is this”

Him -Waving his hand in my face.

Me- slowly coming to, and blinking at him.

Him- smelling his hand

“what the luck is this man! Huh, what the luck is this”

“I don’t know man” Headphones back in

Bus seats are terrible mixes of baby vomit and homeless butt juice. We know this, and so we look for a wet spot, if we sit in one, well heck we move, and try to remember to not touch our face for awhile.

Him-clearly not observing headphones are back in, this conversation is over.
“its piss man, it’s lucking piss!”

Well that’s unfortunate and I will try not to touch my face, lucky for me, my seat is not wet.

But now, the dilemma, the 10 is filling up, people are looking for a seat and instead of being able to go back to Buddha, I now have to tell every hopeful set of eyes the seats wet man.

The bus driver, stops the bus, and comes back to see what the dudes problem is. Oh have I mentioned he’s still yelling, not at me anymore, just to everybody else about how he touched my pee.

So the bus driver, comes to me and says, what’s on the seat. I wanted to tell him, a mix of baby vomit and homeless butt juice, but instead I say I dunno man, my seats cool.

So it’s the 10, people are standing, and now they are late for work. But the bus driver takes the time, to write on a napkin “Do Not Sit Here!”

And places it on the only remaining seat, directly next to me.

So now people are getting on the bus, hope in their eyes, one seat left! And see that I’ve written a note telling them not to sit by me.

The lesson as always, never ride the 10, just never do it.

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